Monday I began the Free 21 Day Meditation with Oprah and Deepak that was all over the internet. Thus far, it has been great, and I would definitely suggest it to anyone interested in getting back into their meditation habits or newly trying meditation. I find it totally amusing that I am even suggesting this to anyone when six months ago I shuddered at the thought of sitting still and becoming in touch with my inner self and being, but as I have said before and will say again, what a difference time makes!
I know it is Wednesday, however, Monday, I had the opportunity to journal about the meditation we did. The centering thought was, “When I am grateful, I find my grace.” Deepak instructed us to think of one thing for which we were grateful, and the first thing I thought of was my family.
I concentrated on that thought the entire 20 minutes we meditated, and when we were done, there were journal questions you could answer, the first one of which was, “What does grace mean to you?” My answer was simple. Grace means forgiveness and freedom through forgiveness of others and forgiveness of self. Grace, to me, always meant something light and airy, like a ballerina. And although for the past 43 years I was Mikhail Baryshnikov’s worst nightmare with two lead feet, I now see that I can be that ballerina in a sense by forgiving others and forgiving myself, thus lightening the burden and load I have been carrying for 43 years. Anger and grudges weigh us all down so much and over the last six months, they have worn me out and made me tired and depressed. Not anymore. I am unloading those burdens like a farmer bailing hay, and the feeling is truly amazing. The sense of calm that is restored by doing this is something I have never known, and I am so grateful to have been introduced to a different way.
In order to find grace however, one must first be grateful and as such, the journal questions proceeded to ask you to name the people in your life you are most grateful for and list one specific thing about each person for which you are thankful. The names of “my people” came to mind immediately: John, Kaylee, Ian, James, my Mom, Tiffany, Aimee and Laura. These are the people I consider closest and most important to me and who have been there even when I felt I didn’t deserve them to be.
John not only loves me at my best and wants my best for me, but he loves me at my worst as well. He has seen me through the darkest time in my life and never gave up on me. Some would say that is what a husband is supposed to do, and maybe it is, but many out there would not have been so patient and steadfast, and I will be forever thankful that he is my husband, my best friend and my soul mate.
Kaylee reminds me every day that despite extreme adversity, you still have the ability to go on if you make your mind up to do so. My soon to be 19 year old daughter is an inspiration to me every day and I hope she knows just how much she makes me want to be a better person.
I am grateful for my son Ian, because he is a truly kind and gentle being, a genuinely good soul, and despite my difficulties, is a daily reminder that I did something right as I was raising him.
I am thankful for my youngest son, James because he reminds me daily to hold onto my youth, my curiosity and joy and to always find happiness and delight by stopping and looking at the world through the eyes of a child.
I am thankful for my Mom because she has never given up on me and through her actions I’ve learned to be a better Mom to my children.
Tiffany, one of my oldest and dearest friends, gave me the gift of faith again when I never thought I would possess it. Her relentlessness, persistence and prayer will never be forgotten.
Aimee, another one of my oldest and dearest friends, was, has always been and always will be the calming voice I needed during the greatest storm in my life. Her calm ways and patience with me gave me the courage to seek the help I needed.
I am also thankful for my dear friend, Laura who has always loved me at my best and my worst and has always been there to listen when I needed her and when it was time for her to be brutally honest, she loved me enough to do so.
I have to say, though, all in all, I am grateful for my place in life today. Had none of the other things happened over the course of my life, I would never be in this place that I am today; a good place, a happy place, a place of calm and serenity. I would never have become this person who can let things go and who is aware that there are only very few things over which we have control. I am truly blessed with wonderful, loving and supportive people around me and I thank God everyday for them. (Yes, I said, I thank God. If you are not sure why that is such a big deal, please refer to my previous post “Thanks for the Kindling, Jehovahs!”) As I continue on this 21 day journey toward gratefulness, I hope to find an even deeper sense of appreciation of my past for making me the person all of these wonderful people chose to love, and the woman I choose to love everyday for the rest of my life. Namaste.
If anyone is interested, here is the link for the Free 21 Day Meditation: